How do you tell your friend she’s not your bridesmaid if she’s assuming she is? It’s a tough conversation, but it’s important to have it!
Choosing the members of your bridal party is a pretty big deal. Your bridesmaids lend support to you throughout your wedding planning process and on the wedding day itself. It makes sense then to have a team of close friends and family that fulfill these roles.
Sometimes you’ll have a friend that assumes she is a bridesmaid when she hasn’t been asked, and when you were never planning on asking her. It can feel very awkward when this happens as there are feelings to consider and tough chats to have, but it’s important you do it.
So, what to do if your friend is assuming she’s a bridesmaid?
How do I tell my friend she’s not my bridesmaid?
This is one of those situations where you want to be gentle because they’re your friend, and you don’t want hurt feelings or have resentment surrounding your wedding day.
The route you take will depend on your personality and the personality of your friend.
If your friend is assuming she’s a bridesmaid she’s likely going to be a pretty close friend, so be kind when you let her know. It can be easy to feel annoyed at their presumptuousness but don’t let that feeling cloud the fact that your friend is coming from a good place. She just wants to be a part of your wedding.
Let her know how much you value her and explain to her the reasons why you couldn’t pick her – budget restrictions might mean you can only have a certain number of bridal party members, or perhaps you want an even number of bridesmaids per groomsmen. Whatever the reasons are, they’re valid and you’re entitled to have them.
Know which reasons to omit from the conversation though. If the reason is that you feel your friendship is dwindling, or you think she’d make a bad bridesmaid, perhaps leave those out!
They can be hurtful and cause friction that can follow you throughout your wedding journey.
Don’t judge her reaction
Don’t judge her for how she reacts to this news. It will be a letdown and a blow to the ego, so let her process that the way that she needs to.
Don’t let her guilt trip you
Do let your friend process in her own way, but don’t let her guilt you into giving her a bridesmaid role if it’s not actually what you want.
There can be all sorts of reasons why she thought she is entitled to the role, perhaps you were her bridesmaid, or you’ve been friends for years and years – but this shouldn’t be what affects your decision.
Give her another role
Things not to do
Don’t be passive-aggressive about it or try and brush over and ignore it.
Here’s what one bride-to-be from our Facebook group had to say: “I found out from a mutual friend that [the bride] had already asked the girls and picked out their dresses before I knew I wasn’t in the wedding party.
It wouldn’t have been a big deal, except for the fact that we had talked about it a lot, and when she tried to hide that she didn’t want me at the wedding party (like I wouldn’t notice!). It would have been much better if she just explained the situation instead of hiding it. “
Have you had a friend assuming she’s a bridesmaid?
If your friend is assuming she’s a bridesmaid, what would you do? Or have you expected to be asked to be a bridesmaid and been let down easily?